TW: Postpartum anxiety/mentions death.

Postpartum Anxiety is something that doesn’t get talked about enough. Everyone warns you of the possibility of postpartum depression but not enough information is spread about PPA. I didn’t know what it was until I experienced it after Lincoln was born.

Of course there is going to be a little “new mom anxiety” and that is to be expected.
But when ‘I need to make sure my baby is in a safe sleep position’ turns into ‘I need to stay awake all night to watch my baby breathe or he will die’ it might be time to think about reaching out for help.

When your baby cries you think he is never going to stop crying. Or maybe it stresses you out so much that you can’t even be in the same house and have to leave.

Thinking that maybe your baby will be safer or better off if you were dead but at the same time not trusting anyone else to be good enough to care for your baby.

Horrifying images of your baby flash through your head. But you just can’t get them to stop.

I’ve been through it. I’ve had the intrusive thoughts. The thoughts so dark you think no sane person could possibly have these disturbing thoughts about an innocent child.

Yes, you have unwanted thoughts about harming your baby. No, you won’t actually do it, but you’re afraid of the what-ifs. You’re afraid you might hurt your baby.
There’s a reason hospitals warn you about shaken baby syndrome. It isn’t always an angry parent.

You just need to get away, you just want them to stop.

Just know that intrusive thoughts are just that, thoughts, it does not mean you love your baby any less. It does not mean you will act on these thoughts, either.

Are you afraid to reach out because they might send you to a mental hospital or even jail just for your thoughts?
Or worse, take away your baby?
This is the kind of rationale PPA tries to trick your brain into believing. Don’t believe it.

If you are struggling please reach out to me or someone you trust. There is no shame in going to therapy or taking medication.
You deserve to get the help and support you need.